I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
