I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize