R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
