ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
