I think scott just propositioned me for sex
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
