none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
