before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Of course I have a pirate flag
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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