i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
