I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
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It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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