I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
