I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
