His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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