matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
