Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
