i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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