I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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