Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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