i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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