She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
