I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
