hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
