turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
