i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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