wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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