One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
