it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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