She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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