I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
This toilet bowl is my home.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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