I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
