a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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