Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
it glows. i had to have it.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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