so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
