This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
