i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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