So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
