i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
