She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
