I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
