I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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