I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
