so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
