Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
