when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You pole danced in your parka.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
