There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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