took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
