she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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