So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize