i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
