Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I don't deserve a penis
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
