I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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