one two three fourrrrnication!
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
