the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
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I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
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I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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