Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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