is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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