i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
