guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
