Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
